Kindergarten Cop 2 Movie Review

Kindergarten Cop 2 (2016)

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Written by: David H. Steinberg (screenplay),  Murray Salem and Herschel Weingrod & Timothy Harris (based on the movie written by) 
Directed by: Don Michael Paul
Starring: Dolph Lundgren, Bill Bellamy, Fiona Vroom, Aleks Paunovic
Rated: PG-13
Watch the trailer

Plot
Muscle car driving, ladies man, top cop, Dolph Lundgren  goes undercover at a prestigious kindergarten to get information about a crime from the students.

Verdict
Sometimes I wonder if my perspective is skewed and whether I could recognize a truly bad movie. Then movies like this appear to remove all doubt. To call this movie an embarrassment is being nice. The story is absolutely terrible and predictable. The writing is a failure, and who would believe that women in their '20s are throwing themselves at a fifty-eight year old Lundgren? It's not even so bad it's good. There are no quotable one liners like the original, and there is no reason for this movie to even exist. I haven't seen the original in many years, but this is a terrible attempt at a remake and a movie. This is terrible.
Skip it.

Review
This movie brings together the duo of Lundgren and Bellamy who haven't been relevant since the '80s and '90s. In less than fifteen minutes it was clear this is a train wreck. It contains the worst movie tropes from the '80s, '90's and '00s. The writing actively trying to be bad, and the plot is banal. I can't blame the actors but so much. They can only do so much with the non-existent story.

Lundgren has an outdoor gym, a cool car, he's single, yet he's fifty-eight and we're supposed to believe he's a player? Do women like his grandpa vibe? The entire movie I was trying to figure out who they really wanted to cast. Did Thor and Captain America turn this down? Imagine that.

Kindergarten Cop 2 - So bad it may make you shake children violently.

The technical cop details are just as bad. Lundgren has a gun in the interrogation room. He's done enough cop movies to know better, but I'm sure he was in a despondent stupor during this movie. Just look at his performance. This man has a masters degree in chemical engineering.

The subtext of what this means for Lundgren's career is by far more interesting than the movie. On the day he filmed the country line dancing scene in a cowboy hat was he sitting in his trailer thinking, "I've hit rock bottom. This is it."

This is bad on a level I haven't seen in a long time. This is the difference between bad and terrible. It can make anything else you watch better by comparison. Lundgren's character baits kindergartners armed with sticks to attack men with guns. The entire premise is that the cops can't search the school, they have to wait for kids to tell them where a teacher hid a flash drive. Why would a teacher hack a police database anyway? Nothing in this movie makes sense.