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Written by: Alexandre Dumas (novels "Vingt ans après" and "Le Vicomte de Bragelonne"), Randall Wallace (screenplay)
Directed by: Randall Wallace
Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Jeremy Irons, John Malkovich, Gérard Depardieu, Gabriel Byrne, Peter Sarsgaard, Hugh Laurie
Rated: PG-13
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Plot
When France's King Louis XIV abuses his power, three retired musketeers return to action to replace him with his long-hidden twin brother.
Verdict
This is so dull. The story relies heavily on our preexisting affinity for the musketeers without adding anything substantial. The characters are barely developed past generic. You could delete entire sequences, and it wouldn't change the result much. There is no tension. There is nothing interesting. I struggled to stay focused on this movie as any wandering thought in my mind seemed more interesting.
Skip it.
Review
King Louis (Leonardo DiCaprio) is waging wars and starving his people, directing food to the troops instead. Assassins are trying to kill him in retaliation. Louis proposes sending rotten food to the people as pacification. When that falls flat, he punishes an advisor to appear strong. Louis uses the position to please himself rather than govern the people he serves. D'Artagnan (Gabriel Byrne) is the last loyal musketeer serving the king. When he rides into town to quell the unrest he slices an apple thrown at him, then spears another to show off his skills. It's more than a bit cheesy, but he takes a bite and realizes the King's deceit.
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| Leonardo DiCaprio plays King Louis |
Meanwhile Louis resolves to send Athos's (John Malkovich) son to the front line so he can seduce the girlfriend. D'Artagnan still foolishly believes the young King can become the leader they wish instead of the hedonistic king they have.
Aramis (Jeremy Irons), frustrated with the King, proposes they replace him with a twin brother, Philippe (Leonardo DiCaprio), locked in a dungeon. The three musketeers plan to swap the two, having only a few weeks to get the formerly imprisoned twin ready. I get the training montage, but I just don't care. The conflict is trying to make a prisoner a king. This just needs more stakes. I don't care if they make it. They finally make the swap during the royal dance.
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| Leonardo DiCaprio plays Philippe |
This could have developed some drama in planning and executing the swap, but the movie makes everything seem to easy. Louis is easy to hate because he's callous and selfish. That makes it easier to root for Philippe, the timid, boring replacement. There's no action or drama to this. Gérard Depardieu as Porthos is just pointless comic relief, and he's not even funny. You could delete his part and not lose a thing. The movie tries to rely on our knowledge of the classic story too heavily. This still needs to be entertaining and stand on its own.
When we discover the father of Louis and Philippe, it's supposed to be this big moment, but it would have given more reason to preceding actions if we had found out earlier. The way it's revealed, it feels like a last ditch effort to inject excitement into the movie.
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| Gérard Depardieu, John Malkovich, Gabriel Byrne play Porthos, Athos, D'Artagnan |
In one of the final showdowns the musketeers have resigned themselves to their fate. There's no way to win, much less survive. Instead the soldiers tasked with quelling this rebellion purposely aim to miss, refusing to kill the lauded musketeers. More scenes like that would have made this more interesting. The movie rarely makes the musketeers seem important and impressive. Even with this scene, we wade through so much to get there.
There's little to no character development and no tension in scenes. We never wonder what choices characters will make, and we never ponder if they'll fail or succeed. Things just happen, but we're not invested. It manages to take the concept of the three musketeers and flatten them into dull characters.
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