Are We There Yet? Movie Review

Are We There Yet? (2005)

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Written by: Steven Gary Banks & Claudia Grazioso (story), Steven Gary Banks & Claudia Grazioso and J. David Stem & David N. Weiss (screenplay)
Directed by: Brian Levant
Starring: Ice Cube, Nia Long, Aleisha Allen, Jay Mohr, M.C. Gainey, Tracy Morgan
Rated: PG
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Plot
To impress a divorcee, ladies' man Nick offers to take her kids on an extended road trip, unaware of the torture he's in for.

Verdict
This is like a time capsule where it was cool to dress like a giant billboard for a sports team and expensive wheels had spinners where the car stopped spinning but the wheels didn't. It's channeling Home Alone and the sub-genre of movies where kids are psychopaths that torment adults. This movie is one note, and that note plays over and over again until it finally ends.
Skip it.

Review
This generated a sequel and even a television series despite critics dislike. It's not a good movie, but it's very aughts from the style to plot elements.

You've got kids that don't want their mother to be happy. These kids are the type that grow up to commit crimes. They are already at the assaulting humans stage. It's not funny and that's my issue with Home Alone sequels. I like the first one. It's kind of cute. He's fighting criminals with traps, but the second one is just mean with really devious murder machines created by a child. It went way beyond the first movie.

The children in this movie are within their right not to like their mom's boyfriend, but they assaulted him and he should report it.

I love Cube's 00s style. His clothes always contain a sports team's logos, usually baseball. I have to wonder if this was his actual wardrobe. He's driving a brand new Navigator with spinners and has Nelly on the radio.
Ice cube used to be in the hip hop group NWA. From that to this movie is wild though his breakout was Friday which he wrote and starred.
Why is there a Satchel Paige bobble head and why is it talking? Is this movie magical realism? The bobble head acts as a conscious or just drops jokes. It's an odd inclusion and Cube has conversations with it. Satchel also explains the painfully simple plot points at times. Satchel might be the best actor in the movie.

Cube's hang up is that he hates kids. He falls in love, I mean lust, because he just saw this woman. When he see her kids it's a no go for the Cube.

Cube helps the same woman with kids when her car strands her. He then begins chauffeuring her to work. This woman has no plans to fix her car. It may still be on the side of the road.

Cube reveals he played minor league baseball for the Portland Beavers which were a real triple A team, affiliated with the San Diego Padres. It's strange the movie researched this detail when so much of the movie doesn't even try to mimic reality.

At least this gets into the plot quickly, wasting almost no time on character development or building a believable plot. The main plot begins with Cube planning to drop the kids at the airport, but the mom wants him to travel with them. The kids aren't just psychopaths, they are also stupid and get themselves and Cube kicked out of the airport. If I was Cube I would have just left them. You know they will ruin his car and they do while also assaulting various adults.

This movie tries to touch upon every from of transportation and I was surprised we didn't see bicycles. This is dumb humor, and it's the same joke. There's no variety. I could probably edit this movie down to thirty minutes.

A bonding moment is forced into the movie with Cube able to relate to the kids. Stupid decisions and plot points occur and I'm wondering how this isn't over. I don't like this movie, but I get why it's popular. It's a time capsule while also requiring absolutely nothing from the viewer. Unfortunately I like challenging movies. I kept wondering is it over yet. It takes far too long to reach a conclusion.