Sunday, March 29, 2026

If I Had Legs I'd Kick You Movie Review

If I Had Legs I'd Kick You (2025)

Rent If I Had Legs I'd Kick You on Amazon Video (paid link)
Written by: Mary Bronstein
Directed by: Mary Bronstein
Starring: Rose Byrne, Conan O'Brien, Danielle Macdonald, Christian Slater, ASAP Rocky
Rated: R
Watch the trailer

Plot
While trying to manage her own life and career, a woman on the verge of a breakdown must cope with her daughter's illness, an absent husband, a missing person, and an unusual relationship with her therapist.

Verdict
A woman that's basically a single mom tries to cope with life. She's told it's not her fault, but she still has to deal with everything that having a chronically ill child entails. She just wants a break, but she has no one to help her. The desire to get away, if just for a moment, only generates more guilt. The stress of being a parent permeates every scene and Byrne does a great job of capturing those difficult emotions. We see the themes of the movie consolidated into her performance. 
It depends.

Review
This opens with a mother and daughter therapy session. Linda's (Rose Byrne) daughter states daddy is "solid" and mommy is "stretchable" like putty. Linda objects, contending it's not true. No one wants to be characterized as a pushover, even if it's true. Just a few scenes in and we have this kid that we haven't even seen yet. Every shot is framed high on the mother. I wondered if it was a distinct choice not to show the child, and it is.

Rose Byrne plays Linda

They get home from a doctor visit to find their home flooded from the unit above. Linda deals with a lot. Her daughter has a feeding disorder which takes up a lot of mental capacity and time due to doctor visits. On top of that, they're forced out of her apartment and into a motel. Her husband is on a work trip, watching a baseball game in his time off. She questions that, and his only response is that he'd love to switch places. It's a hollow response meant to induce guilt. She's dealing with so much more than him, and he can decide what he does in his time off. Her issue is that she never gets time off. She's taking care of their daughter on her own. He only calls to complain about what she's doing or not doing. His only defense is that he's working so hard, yet he has time to go to a game.

Doctors tells Linda that's it's no one's fault, but it doesn't feel like that when they also state her daughter must reach her weight goals to improve. If her daughter isn't getting better, Linda obviously feels responsible. She tells her husband everything is "under control" because that's what he wants to hear when she's actually overwhelmed.

The daughter wants a hamster. Linda says no, dad who is away says maybe. Then we see the daughter with a hamster. Linda relented. It's clear she is stretchable like the daughter said. I'm sure part of that is wrapped up in mom feeling bad her daughter is chronically sick while also feeling guilty about wanting a break and leaving her alone in the motel at night.

Rose Byrne plays Linda

Linda is a therapist. In a parallel story, her patient leaves her baby with Linda. Unable to find the woman, she calls the patient's husband who refuses to get the baby, claiming it's not his emergency. He's another husband unwilling to help or even acknowledge the situation, offloading responsibility.

I was curious what part Conan O'Brien would play. He's a fellow therapist, and he does a nice job in a serious role.

Towards the end of the movie I wasn't sure what was reality and what was her perception. It's clear Linda needs help. At a group meeting they tell her it's not her fault, but she states it is and storms out. She's spiraling, and I'd guess her friendship with James (ASAP Rocky) is a byproduct of being exhausted and looking for an escape.

This is a woman that's carrying all of the mental load for her family, and we're watching her crumble. The hole in her apartment ceiling is a metaphor; this issue that she can't fix. While it's not her fault, it's her responsibility and it begins to engulf her life. All she wants is as break.

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