Rent Conan the Destoryer on Amazon Video (paid link)
Written by: Robert E. Howard (based on the character created by), Roy Thomas & Gerry Conway (story by), Stanley Mann (screenplay by)
Directed by: Richard Fleischer
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Grace Jones, Wilt Chamberlain, Mako, Tracey Walter, Olivia d'Abo, Sarah Douglas
Rated: PG
Watch the trailer
Plot
Conan and his allies must track down a mystical horn and protect a beautiful young princess in order to bring Conan's love back from the dead.
Verdict
I liked the first Conan because it subverted several common movie concepts, mostly utilizing a lack of dialog. The sequel is crafted for mass appeal and completely loses the charm of the original. This is a standard fantasy story where the hero must save a princess. I wouldn't like this if I hadn't seen the first movie, but having seen it I distinctly realize how much better this could have been. The push for something more comedic robs this of the movie it could have been.
Skip it.
Review
This is a much more typical movie than Conan the Barbarian (1982). That movie's lack of dialog created a focus on the story. This leans into fantasy while also being more comedic. It's pandering. The first movie felt like a legendary tale. This is just a cash grab sequel.
Mercenaries attack Conan (Arnold Schwarzenegger) from the jump. It's a test to confirm his might as he's given a quest to escort the queen's niece, Princess Jehnna (Olivia d'Abo). It's a fetch quest. He refuses, not wanting to get involved with magic, but when the queen promises to resurrect Conan's deceased girlfriend, that's a deal too good to pass up. Conan rounds up a team to help him, two companions that add little and the queen's guard, Bombaata (Wilt Chamberlain). The adventure soon results in Conan fighting a wizard.
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| Wilt Chamberlain, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Olivia d'Abo, Tracey Walter, Mako play Bombaata, Conan, Jehnna, Malak, Akiro |
This abandons the serious tone set in the first movie. It doesn't exactly suffer from sequel bloat, the movie is designed for mass appeal, adding an ensemble cast including the comic relief sidekick. It's a movie I feel like I've seen before, and that's the complete opposite experience from watching the first movie.
The pacing is quick which keeps this entertaining, though it's not necessarily engaging. Conan does all the work in helping the princess get a gem and then a magic horn. He's betrayed by the queen's guard that accompanied them, but that's not where this adventure ends despite Conan realizing the queen lied to him.
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| Arnold Schwarzenegger plays Conan |
Conan's going to save the princess anyway, because the plot demands it. He fights a statue transformed into a giant beast. It's not the most believable monster I've ever seen, but Conan doesn't discriminate. He is the destroyer after all. The movie ends with Conan refusing the queen's advances and stating he'll start his own kingdom with text informing us that will be another adventure.
This movie is as generic as the first was unique. Trying to make this more comedic, likely to increase appeal, leads to a movie that doesn't live up to the legend that should be Conan.
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